It's the little things that matter

Some things can't be replaced

I have a safe in my house. But if you broke into it you’d be very disappointed. There’s no cash, no jewelry, and no valuables. Let me explain.

Many people extoll the virtues of travel and making memories. I totally understand that. I have my reasons, but I don’t like travel. A primary one is being a C-level at startups for over 10 years meant when I traveled, work essentially stopped, my vacations were constantly interrupted, I was under perpetual stress while on holiday, and when I returned, I had a mountain of work and emails to get through.

I was even fired once for not picking up a single phone call from the CEO literally during my nephew’s briss on a one day trip (my brother converted when he got married to a wonderful woman).

So that has left me with difficulty enjoying trips. So I don’t take many and those I do, I have trouble relaxing and find a bad investment.

It’s also difficult because I have a wonderful home. I have spent a decade investing in my home. It’s extremely comfortable and inviting. As an audiophile, my primary way of relaxing is listening to music on a fantastic audio setup I’ve spent years perfecting that I of course do not have when I travel. Since I literally spend hours every single night in front of these speakers relaxing, again, travel isn’t for me.

And lastly, there’s the sleeping situation. See, I suffered from insomnia for almost 20 years, taking Ambien or more for that entire time. I finally got off of it and sleep naturally now, but that’s helped by an extremely comfortable mattress and sheets that I’ve found after years of trial and error. Now I basically melt into my bed. I’m still shocked at how comfortable my bed is every night. I’ve stayed at some fantastic hotels and they still don’t compare. I’ve basically spoiled myself rotten.

So when I travel, no matter where I stay, the bed isn’t as comfortable, and to put it bluntly, I have severe issues sleeping.

All of this is to say I generally don’t value travel as my primary way of finding meaning in life and that I’ve arrived at that conclusion with good reason since I have to usually have long arguments with people until they’ll believe me that travel is not the only way to enjoy or find meaning in life.

To me, I’ve found a way to enjoy life in my own way, and it’s led to some interesting conclusions.

First, I enjoy the time I spend with people I hold dear immensely. I love having a wonderfully intellectual girlfriend and all I need to be happy is for us to cuddle on the couch with some Sigur Ros playing. We can talk all night and in the blink of an eye it’s time for bed. I deeply value that time.

I also enjoy great dining experiences. Always have. I’ve been very lucky to have eaten at some of the US’s best establishments and we frequently go to a lot of great restaurants in Boston for what we call “extended” dinners where we’ll make sure to take our time. We once had a 5:30 reservation and left at 10:15. It was funny because we were having so much fun we had absolutely no clue we had been there that long. Again, I deeply enjoy those experiences.

And I won’t lie, I enjoy material things as well, but not just for the sake of owning them. I’m very good at identifying things that will bring me a lot of joy at good value, especially over long periods of time. All of my audiophile equipment for instance. None of it is cheap, but all of it not only holds its value, but frequently actually appreciates. So if I were to sell it today, I’d either break even or make a profit. So it essentially costs me nothing to own and enjoy. I recently sold an amplifier for my home theater I purchased for $800 for $1300. So I made money using it in my theater for 5 years. So if you’re into music, look at high end equipment since it’s actually cheaper to own over the long run if you can afford the upfront investment.

There are of course dumb things that don’t hold their value I spend money on. Art. Clothes. But the value I get out of them, like being able to talk about my art collection or the look on my girlfriend’s face when she sees me in my bespoke suit make it all worthwhile.

But what’s most interesting to me are which things I value most. I’ll give you a clue: it’s not the most expensive ones.

It’s not my audiophile equipment. That can all be replaced within a few days.

It’s not my precious bed. Again, it can be easily replaced.

It’s not my lovely furniture.

It’s not my plants.

It’s the little things. Like the tie in this photo.

I bought that tie in 2010 at a men’s store in Nashville for a very specific event: Steeplechase. Nashville’s yearly horse race. I bought it to be gaudy and outrageous, which is the outfit you wear to a horse race.

But quite in fact, it’s really beautiful. The gold stitching shines. I get compliments every time I wear it as it’s so unique. Similar to my art, I own many such ties with stories behind them. All but one aren’t particularly expensive, and the one that is is handmade and individually numbered from a store on Wall St that makes ties for bankers, which in itself is a great story.

And those ties all have something in common: they’re irreplaceable. There’s no website I can go order them from. If something happens to one or I lose one, it’s gone forever. Similarly, I buy most of my outerwear jackets from a company called Corneliani. They’re made in very limited quantities. They look stunning and are the centerpiece of any outfit. But they are irreplaceable. It’s not about how expensive they are (and they aren’t for how long they last), but the fact that if something happens to one, it’s gone forever.

It’s those possessions, the ones that I cannot replace, that I value the most, enjoy the most, and hold on tightest to. There’s something special about getting a compliment on a tie that I know only 4 other people in the world own. It’s different than someone complimenting an expensive watch when it’s mass manufactured and anyone can buy one any day of the week, no matter how much it cost.

So when I move for instance, I let the movers pack and move my stuff (I’m terrible at packing), but I take all of these irreplaceable items and pack them myself very carefully. Usually a lot of relatively inexpensive stuff compared to my electronics, but I keep a very watchful eye on them and never lose track of where they are, because I could never forgive myself if any were lost.

And that safe? It’s filled with the things that I want so protected that if there’s a fire they’d survive. My childhood stuffed animals. The slide photos I took in high school. My yearbooks with everyone’s handwritten notes wishing me well. Love letters and cards from loved ones. My childhood dog’s collar.

Because those are the things that mean the most to me. Just because I don't travel doesn’t mean I don’t have deeply emotional memories that are very close to my heart. And even better, I have important keepsakes.

I always try to impart upon people that materialism for materialism’s sake is bad. Buying an expensive handbag or watch to show off is not the healthiest of investments. But buying things that help make memories will give you possessions that you will value for a lifetime.