On Good Men
The Rarest of Breeds
“The world needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door.”
- Rust Cohle, True Detective
True Detective Season 1 is my favorite season of tv of all time, if you can even call it tv. To me it stands alone as something else. I’ve watched it maybe a half dozen times and bathed in the immense intensity of the creative depth of writing, characters, and look into the depths of the human condition.
Rust is of course my favorite character, as someone who does not always look upon this world in a positive light. I can’t deny I’ve at times shared a lot of his nihilistic view of the world, although I’m happy to say I’ve found my way to a very peaceful place through various mechanisms, this blog being one of them. Although I still agree with the line above. Evil must be countered with evil and many times it takes immoral acts to prevent similarly immoral evils.
But in today’s world, there seems to be so much focus on bad men. The news is filled with criminals, lots of girls love “bad boys” and the excitement they bring, etc.. So today I want to give some praise to good men: the unsung, uncelebrated heroes of the world.
Good men frequently go unnoticed since their deeds are just what is expected and nothing more. They can often live very simple lives. A carpenter goes to work, clocks in, does his 8-10, comes home, kisses his wife, plays with his kids, has some dinner, and goes to bed. There’s nothing exciting about that. But he’s living a good, moral, strong life providing for his family.
There’s of course much more that goes into a good man, and I think what most people consider “good” these days is in fact great. Good men are hardworking, moral, humble, giving, rather quiet, loving, respectful, and decent. And to be fair, they are an increasingly rare breed, although I do not think they are rare among my readers. Good men also know better than to ever call themselves one. We only know we are when we are told or when we feel it, like when our wife or partner curls up next to us. I, myself, feel an immense sense of pride when I see a partner fully relax into me, knowing she feels safe enough to fall asleep on me and let all her fears, worries, and concerns drift off into peace. That, to me, is my job. To protect her and to provide so that she can enjoy the beauty of the world without care. I may be old fashioned, but I enjoy absorbing both the macro and micro concerns of the world so that my partner can just enjoy herself. Her smile and calm is all the reward I need.
Then there’s how good men treat other men. For one thing, we push each other. We don’t accept the status quo. Good men only respect other good men, especially highly intelligent ones. But then we work hard on each other. There is a lot of love among men, but there is a lot of harsh constructive criticism as well, especially since, especially in my case, there is frequently so much untapped potential for so much of a man’s life. Good men care and want you at your best because they know that’s what leads to a happy life. So not only to good men make for great romantic partners, they are great as friends and mentors. In fact, they’re the only men I let into my life, frequently judging that by how they treat their romantic partners. It’s very interesting how one part of a man’s life reflects so much on everything else.
I follow some great psychologists on Instagram that talk about heterosexual dating and one has had some interesting comments on good men and why they frequently find dating challenging, despite being told they are in high demand. Quite frankly, good men can be boring in that a toxic relationship as is so commonly found on dating apps does lead to frequent sporadic releases of dopamine such that the brain can get wired to desire it, almost like a drug. Good men don’t do this so they seem “boring.” What they bring is emotional peace and adjusting from hookup culture to an emotionally peaceful relationship is quite a shift, to put it mildly. I honestly put a lot of blame on why dating is such a mess squarely on the misalignment of the reward center of the brain for both men and women and why no one seems to be able to pair bond anymore. Although that’s a dangerous topic and not really the focus of this article.
I was fortunately raised by probably the greatest man I know, my father, whose moral fiber is without equal. As a man, maintaining strong morals is quite difficult as temptation is constantly beckoning. Not that I ever even gave it a thought, but at one job I had, I discovered a security flaw in their software. I could have flown to a non-extradition country and stolen over $6 billion from my laptop on a beach without any trail. Now, again, I never gave it a moment’s thought to it and brought it to the attention of the company immediately. What was ironic was the company actually reprimanded me in writing for bringing it to the CEO instead of my immediate boss because it made him look bad. I quit shortly after as that is not a company of good men I wanted to be a part of. They also of course took no steps to fix the hole which I noted was open to 30+ employees.
So, I am immensely grateful for the good men in my life. I in fact aim someday to do more philanthropic activity to bring stronger values and morals to young men who are so dearly lacking in good role models.
To all of you, you know who you are, and thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are a constant inspiration. Thanks for always pushing me to be better.