The Death of 3rd Places

It's a huge problem in modern society

My life has changed significantly over the last 10 years. From 2012-2018, I lived in the heart of San Francisco. Every night, I had multiple options of events and gatherings to get me out of the house. It was rather openly discussed that in SF you waited for the best option of what to do most nights and then go out. Even then, this almost always revolved around drinking copious amounts of alcohol, as seems to be tradition in San Francisco. Not that it’s a bad thing, it makes total sense when you all live in sardine cans, are stressed beyond belief, and want some fresh air.

These days, I’ve grown older and have little to no interest in partying like I did when I was younger. Boston, from the people I talk to, is also notoriously difficult to make friendships in unless you went to school here so my social circle is a lot smaller. Almost no options organically present themselves anymore. I don’t think I’m alone in this.

However, what really bothers me is what is called the death of 3rd Places. As defined by Wikipedia, 3rd places are:

In sociology, the third place refers to the social surroundings that are separate from the two usual social environments of home ("first place") and the workplace ("second place"). Examples of third places include churches, cafes, bars, clubs, community centres, public libraries, gyms, bookstores, makerspaces, stoops, parks, theaters, and opera houses, among others. In his book The Great Good Place (1989), Ray Oldenburg argues that third places are important for civil society, democracy, civic engagement and establishing feelings of a sense of place.

While many of these places to still exist, they are dying. While living in Nashville for example, there were dozens of amazing and unique coffee shops I could frequent any day of the week, sometimes at any time of day, and usually bump into someone I knew. I took advantage of this almost daily. In SF, the coffee was fantastic, but the shops themselves were hostile towards you socializing in them. They almost never had WiFi or power outlets, unlike in Nashville, and they closed relatively early (again unlike Nashville which had several 24 hour coffee shops). Many even had no seating areas at all.

In Boston, the coffee scene is a disgrace. Sure, we have Tatte and a few Blue Bottles, but they don’t compare in atmosphere to where I frequented a decade or two ago. The Blue Bottles, which I consider to have the best coffee despite their acquisition, are small, frequently don’t have available seats, and of course no WiFi. Coffee in Boston has become transactional. Come in, get your coffee, and get out.

As I look at that list of 3rd places, I consider how many I could go to at the drop of a hat any time of day. Historically, I leave home or work when I need a break. Among those on the list, coffee shops, bars, clubs, bookstores, gyms, and libraries are what come to mind. As I said, coffee shops are not what they used to be, bookstores are rare, especially with a comfortable reading area, and sadly libraries are…well…not very hospitable to put it mildly unless they are private. Gyms remain a good option but have become significantly less social during my lifetime (I once went to the gym 2x a day, 5 days a week and now you’ll never find me there).

This leaves just two: bars and clubs. And does it seem surprising that in adult life everything now revolves around these? Especially if you’re single (although meeting someone in person has gotten exponentially more difficult), your social life revolves around going out at night.

The problem with this is that obviously partying and drinking heavily are not exactly conducive to a healthy life, although whether you think that is a healthy social life is up to you. For those of us looking for something more calm, intellectual, or don’t drink, bars and clubs are terrible options.

I found myself last night after a long and successful day desperately wanting to get out of the house. I thought about my options. I had already eaten, so going to a restaurant was out. I don’t drink so sitting at a bar was out. It was past 7pm so the coffee shops were closed. The only thing I came up with was a solitary walk, but it was raining heavily. I went to sleep rather disappointed.

Many of you above 35 may remember it was different when we were younger. There was the mall for instance, a famous 3rd place that is pretty much dead. Churches were also a frequent stop back in the day. I also really enjoyed several libraries such as the Nashville’s Public Library a private library in SF which of course has closed due to lack of membership. Again, coffee shops were where I spent most of my 20s late into the night and that’s just not possible anymore.

I find this lack of entertainment besides going to to drink sad and disturbing. I think a lot of the difficulties the younger generation face in today’s work can actually be ascribed to a lack of places to socialize outside of home and work except for places to imbibe alcohol.

For a healthy society, we need to encourage more 3rd places for everyone who doesn’t want to stay at home or work all day every day. It would be a good goal of local governments to facilitate such places in order to promote a more healthy social life and mental health for all of their residents.