The Rise of AI Girlfriends

Let's navigate this minefield...

So, this week has seem a plethora of articles about so-called “AI girlfriends” with articles ranging from where to find the best one to this is the end of humanity as we know it.

Let me first state that if you didn’t see this coming from ten miles away, you haven’t been paying attention. Her came out in 2013. Technology is just starting to catch up.

Many of the articles denigrating these girlfriends are severely lacking in any facts and seem wildly speculative. One published in Futurism claims “AI Girlfriend Apps Are Training Men to Be Even Worse.” Ignoring the odd use of the word “Even” there, the so-called “expert” whose claims the entire article is based upon is just a person who runs a domestic violence shelter in Australia. With all due respect, how is she qualified to talk about how AI will affect human psychology? And for that then to be published in an AI journal and to be called an expert? Seems facetious.

But let’e examine the trend. I don’t think it’s a big secret that modern dating kind of sucks. Both male and female friends frequently tell me as much, although for wildly different reasons. There are some very alarming statistics about this though about how it is affecting men, which I admittedly study a bit more as a man.

When looking at age and gender together, 63% of men under 30 describe themselves as single, compared with 34% of women in the same age group.

That’s…a very odd statistic. How can so many more men of the same age group be single? It also goes along with the rise in virginity rates among men over the last 15 years, which is extremely alarming.

So, considering the under 30 demographic is the most technologically savvy, most likely to be single, and most likely to have never had sex, are we really surprised they would turn to a virtual girlfriend?

I think many people don’t understand that men are highly emotional creatures. Most of the guys I know will freely admit they need companionship and care way more than they need anything physical (although not all of course). The very high demand for virtual girlfriends is fact proof that many men want and need emotional companionship as much as anything else, if not more.

And from what little I've seen without trying one, these virtual girlfriends seem pretty good at fulfilling those needs, while also not requiring all of the challenge, effort, and difficulties of maintaining an actual human relationship, which of course is the rub since these men don’t learn how to participate in an actual relationship with give and take. I think anyone who believes a man cannot tell the distinction between a virtual chatbot and an actual human woman is a little confused, similar to the argument about how video games cause real life violence. If anything, a properly made virtual girlfriend could teach men how to give back some attention, like a training tool since, I’ll admit, so many young men seem not quite ready for real relationships and all the effort that comes with them. If I were to build one, I’d use it to teach men to be gentleman and treat their virtual girlfriends well with strong positive feedback when they did. This can be a force for good in society.

I think the real alarm has been brewing for a while. I remember all the discussion around sex robots and the outcry to make them illegal. I also recall seeing there was no real justification for it which gave away the real reason: people were afraid of being replaced. I think the calls against AI girlfriends come from the same place personally.

While I would of course never use one, men do need emotional support, especially in today’s world where men have little support structure and their mental health is in general awful. If they can find that from an AI, who cares? Especially when the other option is to be alone. That improves society’s overall mental health and probably saves lives. To me, that seems like a net positive. I really don’t understand what all the negativity is about. We all know technology is just going to continue to advance and virtual boy/girlfriends are going to get more and more complex and eventually even enter the physical world. There’s no stopping it. Better we learn to adapt now than just complain about it.

---

Author’s Note: I’ve had some great and varying commentary about this topic this morning but I think one person’s take summed it up best. She said AI girlfriends make the situation worse because it further drives men and women apart. And then she said the key to this. Both men and women need to up their game and change their expectations which have gotten totally out of whack with reality. Only then can the dating world start getting back to reality. That’s a take I can get behind.